i used to fear staying up late at night, not out clubbing, but home, home sitting in front of a Google home page clicking "I am Feeling Lucky" until i could not stand it any longer, or opening a Word document and writing, and editing, and writing some more, and then deleting it all.
i would look at the clock as it passed my usual crash time, i would feel unhealthy, worry that tonight was a school night, and that i would pay for it in the morning, and i would look up again and see that some time, long or short, had passed, and i would dread the time when the sun would rise, and the cycle would start anew
do not anymore. no fear. pad around my living space. do the same as before. not worry about it. night is an extension of day. a time to let life pass. same demeanor as day. same outlook as day. after ten days i collapsed. i could not think. i could not see clearly. i pushed myself. it felt good. i was in control.
should i worry?
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