i recollect a statement from MDOC as he prescribes me the second of a number of meds: "you live at a time when mental illness is understood."....................*in classic Brontë style* i tell you, gentle reader, to interpret each period as a second past, for such is the length of my silence and disbelief.
i now recollect a statement to PDOC "why this? why me? why do i not have a physical mark of my illness? why is my scarred--activity-amucked, cortex-lightningroded, dendrites chemically-burnt--brain NOT visible to the naked eye?" it is easier(?) in this manner."
i dislike "whys;" i know better.
i hide this; i h i d e t h i s f o r s o l o n g ; i have to; i have NO choice because,____________________.
admit, there are such situations.
"out of the closet," an idiom familiar to most, is antonymous to my situation. i am not one who garners respect and admiration for honesty and spokesmanship, recognition and advocacy, of/for bipolar disorder--grateful i am for those who do--and for their perception-altering effect on the lamentable collective.
only a select few know about my mental illness: close family; and even so, and for reasons unrelated(?), i regret the excess of my communication. if by previous posts not apparent, i am one who relies on self.
now, i close my eyes. it appears, dear reader, i am on my +way+. maybe darkness forestalls all.
4 comments:
that is interesting...i was diagnosed last february (i was extremely manic)...when i got out of the h'tal...and i finally touched ground again, i was so embarassed by some of the things i had done.
i remember i kept using the analogy of "coming out of the closet"...then i read about other people with bipolar using that analogy when they admit it to the public.
not everyone that i know, knows i have it...but there is so much of me that does just want to "come out of the closet" and be 100% open about it...it is hard to hide it....
probably why i love my blogging family so much...
i am sure that as i get more comfy in my own skin, i will eventually tell anybody....eventually.
I could finally comment on your blog as blogger was having problems and then you didn't allow anonymous comments.
So, anyways, First - thanks for stopping at my blog (Broken Wings). Your blog is wonderful! I love it.
When I was first diagnosed with bipolar - I was in such denial that I told some people like it was nothing, but then when it sunk in - I was like OMG! I am bipolar and then I didn't want anyone to know...Now, I am slowly accepting it and picking and choosing who I want to tell.
Amateur Dancer refers it to "Coming out of the Closet," but I refer it to "Coming out of the Dark."
Dreamwriter - Coming out of the Dark and Broken Wings
txandi,
THANK YOU! That melted my heart, when i read your comment on my blog!
i am just so thankful that we are connected and in this great bipolar family...
i know you will find strength and support here, as dream writer and i have found!
i am so happy to know you :)
¡gratitud dada, gratitud merecida!
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