concept of time

concept of time, trails away 110 mph, i, 65 mph, it; push so hard, i can taste mouth exploding in array of conflicting stray currents of flavours. i feel imminent brain-O2 starvation, struggling to maintain perception, fighting 50-50-odds battle against total loss of consciousness. become resigned to win sheer-struggle-push, because necessary, challenge winnable, while lungs cycle, racing like positive displacement pumps, no impeller-vane loss, air that nurtures, restores, obliges, burns.

phosphene apparitions, halos of color, constellationed stars, pulsate and glow, confuse, expand. sweat secretes hot, moisture of life, now ice on skin that burns magnesium white, unstoppable, ignited by beats of sodium-exposed trigger. bodily functions, aiming to fail as push remains unstructured, ever-present, revolting, bringing memories to O2-deprived brain: first marathon, first challenge, different time, state of mind normally abnormal, abnormally normal.

no zest for pain today, endurance-test cramping. creeping sodium-potassium balance disturbed but not challenged: the wall, that infinite wall that, once crossed, offers view of non-1984 utopia, green as it must, as it should, yet transition to gray that even flawed, is beauty in decay, brick calcinated, mortar chewed by teeth of low-pH precipitation.

now, final putsch. one more try. no enlightenment today, can tell. too much ground, copper 36 inches down, path to earth, all faults, flashes of conscious unrest, synaptic cycles wasted, grounded, held captive a spirit escaping a body, tied with an eight-follow-through, which it wants to break, without luck, escape, for a second or two, in search of the light that it cannot describe, a light that it sees, does not cast but peace, a light that one sees through half-opened eyes, half starved demise, half dying mind.

battleground blood flows through miles of pipes, that tunnel through a 40-year-old infrastructure of love and disdain, guts and a brain...but not quite. how far will i go today? for how long will i hunt this elusive prey? will i fail to adhere to the concept of time, as a life turns eternal, and our deities, femtosecond-decay?