Equanimity

I feel so alive, but at the same time so vulnerable and maybe dead. I feel the loss of energy, the descent into demise--or what could be so. Yet I feel. The depth of the feeling, the awareness of self. Full, complete. Anything is possible here. Supernatural feats that defy imagination, not yet accomplished, not yet imagined. I do not know, for they are not imagined. I just know that I feel.
Hunger. Awareness. Body. Perception. Push. Challenge. Towards the unknown. I can now do more than I could before. In some respects, I feel better than I did before. Hunger the drive. Hunger that drives. The drive of hunger. A physical sensation. Energy saps, you feel, unmistakable feeling. No confusion whatever. Low blood sugar headache, brain trying to do its best to do its job. Energy drain. Motion reduced. Awareness. Consciousness.

Feats of incredible force, expenditure of incredible resources not supported by equal intake. One fourth driving one whole. Three hundred in 1500 hundred out. And the awareness, the know. The drive. Pushing toward that unknown. Eyes closed, balance in test, feats not easily accomplished. Eyes closed, world shut out. Nothing beyond. No noise, isolation. Beats pumping, ears drumming. And stalwart I proceed, unaware of outside, aware of inside. I do not question, I savor. I know.

This is not The Zone. I know what that is not knowing it fully. I have skirted it, toyed with it, briefly entered it. There is nothing like it. Fleeting for me; maybe less so some day. No. This is not The Zone. I linger here. I elate here, but not like there. I like it there like I like it here. I cannot compare, why should I dare? The Zone is one, this is two. Perhaps this is one, and the Zone is two. In any event, I enlighten. I relish. I feel. I live.