i do not know

why would you think my post implied abuse? was my subconscious speaking for me? i cannot recall, but if i could would i want to? if i would want to, could i? why can i almost recall something, but not wholly?

why does there appear to be a blank where i want to find a memory? from where does this mistrust to catholic priest come? why was this last question so difficult to pose? why does the thought revolt me? why this guttural reaction, so overpowering, so wretchedly sickening?

did you know i was reared catholic? did you know i went to catholic school? did you know what i do not remember i remember happening during school? was the obvious to you, not apparent to me? what am i supposed to do now? are my woes not enough?

did you help me by revealing the obvious? did you do a disservice by revealing the obscure?

because i feel like it

donde está mi tarta, estoy yo. y si no te gusta, comete un cuerno. que recuerdo: un sombrero. un lobo. un trastero. verdadera penuria me pones delante. hace bastante que no como fiambres. y dicen que mi estancia no es nada que cuenta. no sé si verdad, no sé si mentira. la vida tendría astilla, espina. infinita es la vista cuando un monje alucina. ven, patina conmigo, mi amiga.

no salgo herida. no tomo bebida. ¿sandia fina, chiquilla? pondrías tus pies de puntillas. serías seria consciencia invalida. cartulina morada con rotulador asesino. montesa es la cabra, la honda, el biquini. salto de abajo, de lado a lado. el ser inocente que soy, se pregunta: ¿que haces, idiota? ¿qué piensas, valiente? ¿estás inconsciente? ¿te pones caliente, cual montaña en oriente?

La vida

eight hours,
two hundred words.
am i getting worse?

defy convention with madness.
Blunderous implementation of nothingness.
What will the day bring, but sorrow. forgiveness?

confusing feeling, tenacity.
approach the world with alacrity.
stop, cannot at mediocrity.

apotheosized apotropaic apostasy

my eyes closed,
retreat to my church.

aggregator of power,
mind, rss of revolt.

soy | am not

without you, i am biology,
respiration, excretion.

i am computer,
input, output.

systemics,
principles, relationship.

i am chemistry,
elements, reaction.

without you, i am physics,
action, reaction.


you elevate me beyond biology.

beyond computer.

systemics.

beyond chemistry.

you elevate me beyond physics.


i feel a rose turn.
pearls of dew upon vermilion velvet.

a portrait turn.
pixels of love, perfection on paper.

[1] in a 2, fear of perdition.

now, your words turn.
ash upon cleansing white flame.

i feel you turn memory.
comfort of arms that brought me closer.